The wait for admits....

Now that the application process for MS is over, the anxious nail biting period of waiting for admits has begun. Even though most people scoff and say that someone with a profile like mine need not worry at all (thanks for the compliment btw), I still wait eagerly for that email confirming my admission to any one of the six universities that I have applied to. This wait was stressing me out because of many reasons. Firstly, this has got to be the biggest step of my life. Nothing else comes anywhere close, except ironically maybe the admission to BITS. Secondly, with all the talk about the recession affecting the admissions scenario in a negative way, I wondered if I had made a rather brash decision of applying only to the top universities. (The lowest ranked university in my list is University of Minnesota at 13) And finally, I had doubts about my application itself. Was my SOP good enough? Or have my profs given me good recommendations?

So with all these questions bothering me, I turned to God for help. I asked Him to give me the strength to overcome all these fears. I asked him to increase my faith in Him. Then I read these beautiful words.

"I thank God for the Mountains

And I thank God for the Valleys

I thank Him for the Storms

He has brought me through.

For if I never had a Problem

I'd never know there was a God

Who could solve them

I'd never know what Faith

In my God could do."

There is also this beautiful story about the footprints in the sand. This story is an epitome of God's infinite love for us. I have new found courage and belief. I feel that God will always do what is best for me. I may have big plans for myself. But God has bigger plans for me. If I get an admit, praise be to God. If I don’t, it may mean that I wasn't meant to have a career in research. Or maybe I was meant to remain in India, for a reason I do not know now. So I have decided that if I don’t get any admits, I will answer CAT and GATE for the following academic year.

This may result in me having wasted a year doing research in IISc. But what is one year compared to the long life I have ahead of me? Most people will think that I am losing valuable time in the ‘race of life’. But do these people know that you can never win a race, no matter how fast you run, if you are running in the wrong direction?

I have also learnt to rejoice in the success of others. Normally if someone had got or won something ahead of me, I would feel jealous and maybe a little angry with myself. But now it is different. I feel happy for others and see the positive side of everything. For e.g. when I learn that my friends have got some early admits from some universities, instead of feeling nervous, I see the positive side of things. Admits for my friends means the scenario is not as bad as people claim, which means that I, with a similar profile, will surely get an admit sooner or later

I may sound like a loser to the atheists, leaving my future in the hands of God. But until you experience God in your lives, you will never know the immense joy and comfort that only He can give you in this mad chaotic world.