A visit to ‘Excellent Men Hairdressers’

The title in simple terms would be ‘a haircut’. The other day I thought my hair needed some ‘dressing’.. So I went to the renowned hairdresser of Mathikere.. ‘Excellent hair dressers’.. I stepped in their excellent studio and asked for a hair dressing that would include a haircut and a shave.. The artist (barber here) listed out haircuts like a waiter telling you the afternoon menu in a restaurant. He mentioned hairstyles like round cut, military cut, and some exotic ones like golden star cut and himesh cut.. I guess he believed in the saying that ‘god made man, barbers make him handsome’.. I told him I would like a simple cut.. Just cut my hair properly so that I shouldn’t look like a chicken just out off hot water..

I settled into the chair admiring my hair.. I noticed my hairline was receding.. May because of global warming.. I took an optimistic view of things and thought I looked wise with my balding head.. People would think I am a gr8 thinker (which I am obviously, to think of this crap).. I decided I had to live up to my ‘thinker’ looks.. N what better place to think than a cosy chair at a barber’s shop? Neways there was nothing else do as the barber got down to his trimming business.

I began thinking of my trips to my barber in Goa. It was a gr8 place to catch the latest gossip. One would be updated on everything under the sun.. From matka to accidents to fights of both men and bulls.. Then there would be self proclaimed cricket n football experts giving their views on hockey to anyone who would care to listen to them. The drunkards added some spice with their ‘spirited’ efforts in abusing some nonexistent person.. I was disturbed from my reverie my some sudden commotion.. The TV volume was increased.. I realised the umpire had given a wrong decision against india in the test match. I worriedly looked, not at the TV, but at the mirror to see if the guy had nicked my eyebrow. I was relieved to see no damage done.. I don’t have my eyebrows insured and I didn’t wanna look like a Chinese guy.. Ok one bit of advice.. Never go for a haircut when India is playing a cricket match.. At least don’t sit in the hot seat until the match is over just in case u think the barber’s shop is the best place to catch the live telecast.. Worst would be if sachin gets clean bowled while the barber is working on ur hair.. Your ear might get a nasty nick as the barber vents his fury.. Neways, the barber started blabbering something in kannad to the others in the shop right next to my ear.. I was like hold your horses buddy.. Your abuses ain’t gonna make any difference.. So STFU (shut up for the lay people) and get back to work.. He calmed down soon and continued with the ‘snip snip snip’.

Now this barber had a fat tummy.. N his constant hovering around me gave me a relaxing massage!! (If u see the connection).. I started dozing off.. Suddenly ‘phus-phus’ and water was sprinkled in my face.. Holla mate!! Wassup? He thought I was sleeping and he wanted to ask me if he should knock my cool moustache. I thought for a moment. I imagined I was a sandalwood actor with a thick moustache.. Chicks swarming around me.. Ah.. And I was king like Singh is King!! I shook those dreams away and looked wistfully at my thin, uneven, moth-eaten moustache.. I sighed sadly and said decisively ‘knock it of big guy’.. So the barber tried to position my head precisely with respect to all 6 coordinates for the ‘sacrifice’.. Madame Toussad’s wax statues might be less precisely positioned.. N I had to stay still in this position.. Then some stray hair settled on my nose.. It started getting tickly.. So I asked the barber to scratch it for me.. Good he didn’t ask what to scratch..

Finally my hair was dressed..I paid him the fees.. He asked me if I wanted to colour my hair... I said ‘nah, non off my ancestors were peacocks’ n walked off into the cool evening feeling liberated from the burden on my head.