Stray thoughts on Diwali celebrations in Bangalore

A few stray thoughts bout the festival of lights that was celebrated over the past few days.. I have to say that the festival of lights has certainly become a festival of noise and smoke.. I got a feeling i was living in Iraq with all the 'bombing' around me.. Tradition seems to have taken a back seat with hardly ne lamps and akash diyas around.. Jus noise, smoke and some more noise.. If i had a chance to be deaf once a year, i wud certainly choose Diwali time..

I have learnt to appreciate the beauty of silence after this episode. I never knew it wud be so wonderful to experience silence. I like the pictures of Diwali which showed calm n serene lamps arranged in beautiful patterns and was hoping to see them for real for the first time this year. But all i got was boom boom boom.

I asked one guy here at IISc as to why people burst bombs and make noise during Diwali. He said to express their joy. I said to myself, its a blessing that these people dont feel happy too often!! A last observation.. I noticed that the people who burst crackers and bombs close their ears, and sometimes even eyes, tightly after they light the fuse. I wonder what joy u get by making noise and nt listening to it urself. Its like goin fr a mime show or an art exibition and closing your eyes!!

Anyways its all over now.. Bangalore has returned back to normal and I am at peace..

Diwali -- Festival of lights!!

Every year this great festival is celebrated with pomp and fervor all over India. Thousands of tonnes of fireworks are burnt during the Diwali season. But is this what Diwali is actually about?

So much money literally goes up in smoke during Diwali. I am sure this money could be spent for some nobler cause. Maybe it could be given to charity or to an orphanage. Imagine a child's face light up when he receives gifts. I am sure that light would be brighter than the light from the most powerful fireworks!

Besides these fireworks cause large scale air and noise pollution. Most fireworks contain harmful heavy metals like lead and cadmium. I don't think I have to elaborate on the noise part. Each household thinks their Diwali has to be noisier than their neighbour's. Noise, beside being an irritant, is also a health hazard. Also give a thought to the poor children who are forced to work in dangerous conditions to make these fireworks. We encourage such atrocities by our indiscriminate use of fireworks. The accidents caused during Diwali festivities have put out the lights of many families forever. These are just a few reasons why I feel we ought to rethink the way we celebrate Diwali.

I am not against celebrations and traditions. Of course it is the time to celebrate. Maybe we could have community firework sessions so that all people will enjoy the same display. Or we could revert to the old tradition of lighting lamps. Fireworks was never an Indian tradition. Fireworks were invented by the Chinese who I am sure have no idea about Diwali.

In Goa too, we have this weird tradition of bursting crackers on various occasions. We burn crackers during feasts, birthdays, weddings, anniversaries etc etc. It is supposedly to inform the community of the occasion. I am firmly against this practice and have convinced my parents to put an end to it at least when we are celebrating the occasion.

So my dear readers it is time for a change. A change for the better. So here is wishing all my readers a very Happy Diwali!!!

Karzzzz -- You will pay this debt wid your life!!!

Movie Review

Guess who's back, back again??? Himesh!!!! the legend of bollywood is back!! After his blockbuster debut movie, Aap Ka Suroor - The real love story, Himesh has proved to be a real talent in having the audience in splits within minutes with his acting and dialogs in Karzzzz.. I apologize to himesh bhai for not seeing the first day first show. But hey, the fun never sets when himesh settles debts (pun intended)

I paid homage to himesh's new movie Karzzzz, which supposedly had the tag line Vengeance Is Back, at Lido mall on saturday nite.. N boy was it the best 3 hrs of my life for a very long time. Himesh's acting and dialog delivery are mind boggling.. And the story line is full of suspense that i was on the edge of the seat for most of the 3 hrs.. I didnt c the original Karzzzz mind u.. I could go on and on the awesomeness that is himesh!! But i don think i would do justice to this masterpiece by describing it in my blog. You have got 2 c it 2 beliv it..

However i'll still mention some of the 'cheeeaaaq' and 'ma ma mass' parts of the movie.. My personal favourite was the cool and awesome way himesh claps 2 open the safe.. That ws truely legendery.. Then there was the fight scene in which himesh takes off from a short run up.. 2012 medal propects there.. the costumes throughout the movie were..well.. masss.. I think govinda shud take a walk... n Urmila too had a sexy full golden outfit.. made here look like a character from Drona!! the scene wid 2 himesh's is a spiritual experience!! All the single guys out dere (including myself) shud tk coaching frm himesh fr flirting.. I m sure ne gal wud fall for such stuff.. the ice cream scene ws very romantic!! I mus also mention his constant sideways cool pocket maar (reference Vaibhav reviews) look.. No top view or front view.. only side view.. N looks like bcoz of the financial meltdown, himesh resorted to cost cutting measures in the make-up area.. A person supposed 2 b 25 yrs older 2 himesh looks younger than him.. or is it becoz our evergreen himesh is turning brown?? :P

Himesh is a gr8 self proclaimed dude.. the way the gals faint during his concerts, n how he proclaims himself 2 b a rock star.. N the dialog in which they say aap ka suroor was a super hit!! (holla holla to that!!) Besides himesh's dancing really inspires all aspiring dancers like me.. I must make a passing comment on the several successful attempts at comedy in the movie.. those were the only parts in the movie when i ws nt laughing!! :D

On the whole a gr8 all round performance by himesh.. 5 star rating by me!! And now a few points which point to the fact that i m the gr8est himesh fan of all time.. self proclaimed jus like my idol himesh!!

• I was movie free since january( meaning i didnt go 2 cinema hall since jan) And i broke the run by goin for Karzzzz
• Aap ka suroor is the only movie, hindi or english, that i have since more than 1.5 times. I have seen it 3 times for the record..
• Himesh himself has acknowledge me in Karzzzz.. there is a chracter named Dr. Daniel in the movie.. (For those who have seen the movie, dont comment on this part!! )

All in all Himesh has really spiced up my miserable pre-himesh life!!!

Communal Riots -- Based on absolutely illogical reasonings!!

I am sure thousands of blogs have been written on this issue.. I just had a couple thoughts about this issue.

-- What is a forced conversion? I am a Catholic since birth. But no where it is written that I am a Catholic. I have all the documents of the Govt of India namely, passport, election card, driving license, pan card, birth certificate etc. But non of these documents say I am Catholic. I am a Catholic in my heart and in my mind. And I am sure no power in this world can read what is in my heart and mind. I go to church every sunday. Does that make me a Christian? I have been to temples also. So does that make me a Hindu? Ones faith is ones state of mind. So all this forced conversion talk is utter nonsense

-- Many people are saying that India was a Hindu country before Muslims and Christians came here and converted the natives. And so all people who are not Hindus have been forcibly converted sometime in the past. I totally agree with that. Historically India has been a Hindu country. But does it mean that India has no place for non Hindus? So what should the USA and the European countries do in this regard? Drive out the thousands of Hindus living peacefully there for generations? Or maybe be 'forcibly convert, them to Christianity. We all know what a disaster the Indo-Pak division was. Lets hope nothing like that ever happens again.

And just another passing remark about inducements offered by Christian Missionaries. Shashi Taroor made a very valid point in this regard in his sunday column in TOI. Why dont the Hindu and Muslim fundamentalist also try to induce people to convert to their respective faiths by offering people financial benefits? Imagine the joy the poverty stricken villagers would feel when offered goodies by not one, but three different parties!!

I sincerely hope that this madness will come to an end. I pray for the victims, that God give them the strength to live through this difficult times. I pray that God bless the attackers, so that they channel their abundant energies for the betterment of mankind. After all one the greatest Christian missionaries of all time St. Paul also was once a tormentor of the Christians.

Dry jokes.. Essence of life

v call em sad joke, dry joke, poor jokes.. other degrading terms.. v look down on dem coz v compare em wid jokes in tv series n movies. Agreed dey r of much lower quality.. but tv jokes scripts r writen n edited a thousand times.. the situations r prepared fr d jokes.. d jokes r delivered by pros which adds to d effects.. else imagine himesh playing the role of chandler in friends and cracking all dose joke in his super cool monotonous tone..n i m sure v wont crack such high level jokes on a daily basis.. even d funniest ppl in our lives will crack high level jokes only once in a while.. thus many of us lead such cheerless lives..so y dont v settle fr the ubiquitous n natural dry jokes? beggars cant b choosers n smth is bbetr than nothin.. Not dat d dry jokes r acceptable merely coz dey r d only option.. dey are legendary in their own right.

i personally feel dat my life has been such a success (self conclusion here) becoz i hv made dese dry jokes a part of my life.. dey hv kept me n my frenz cheerful evryday thru thick n thin.. n now dat my fellow dry jokers r spread around d world (india and USA basically.. but its cooler 2 say around d world and btw india n USA 2gather means around d world!!), i really miss dose jokes.. so in order 2 keep dis legacy which v nurtured wid so much love n care (wtf??) intact, kapil khandeparkar has unvieled d khandeparkar trophy.. d rules r simple. driest joke is d winner.. no holds barred..only rule is dat d joke shud b cracked in some real life situation on d spot.. no internet n sms jokes allowed.. d reign of dryness has been unleashed. i'll post some of d entries here.. boy dey r dry.. n dey did make me laugh a lot.. so presenting d driest jokes..

warning: d following content is fr adults only.. parental supersvision id recommenaded for readers above 18 yrs!! .. n d jokes r cracked by pros.. dont try 2 imitate dem.. stay safe n dont try dis at home..

my entries.
kapils chick said dat some movie (4got name) was too slow.. i replied.. 'watch it in fast forward mode'!! -- in d train while coming back 2 blore.. some ppl were goin wid their luggage towards d front of d train.. one junior wid whom i ws traveling said.. 'i wonder where dey r goin'.. i said 'to the front of d train obviously'.. she asked again.. 'for wat?' i said ' if u go to the front of d train u will reach bangalore earlier as the front of d train reaches before the back of the train!!' (dis has got 2 b a good contender!!! plzzzz)-- another one.. in the train only.. once the train stopped in the middle of nowhere.. junior "y has the train stopped now?" i replied "the train driver has forgotten the way to bangalore and has gone 2 ask for directions!!"

khare's entry
we went for lunch today sometime back n sat in restaurant...gal wid us asked da waiter guy
ipshi: Egg roll milega kya??
waiter: abhi koi role nahi hai..!!
dan i asked ipshi
me: ipshi kya tumhe acting nahi aati??
ipshi: kyun poocha..
me: acting nahi aati tabhi to usne tumhe Role nahi diya :P

ravish
situation: 12:30 pmteammate jus broke up wid gf.. On lunch table he was tellin abt hislife..
teammate: i m feelin very lonely dese days.
urs truly(out of nowhere): congrats u r no longer a human being
teammate:wtf?
urs truly: coz u r afruit now.
teammate:wtf?
urs truly: u r a banana now
teammate:wtf r u talkin abt?
urs truly: u said u r lonely.. Dat means u r akela..dat means u r a kela..dat means u r a banana
note: kapil says he heard dis joke b4.. so may b disqualified..

ashutosh
9XM was showing the sawariya song 'jabse tere naina'..the one in which ranbir kapoor lets the chadar fall and reveal his ass...so one of my roommate remarked..

roomie: They should have better let Salman khan reveal his ass..
urs truly: nah...he can't do that....

roomie: y not...?
urs truly: coz if he does that he ll no longer remain Salman khan

roomie: n howz tat Einstein?
urs truly: coz he ll bcom SALMAN BUTT.......

(the above joke may have been copied from the net.. investigations r on..)

manish (although nt a situational joke.. but gr8 nonetheless)
Karnataka State Board of education has decided to rename the chapter on Jallianwala Bagh tragedy to Jallianwala Tech Park tragedy. Why?

Because Bagh-mane-Tech Park
(note to non bangalore ppl.. there is tech park called BAGHMANE TECH PARK in bangalore)


These are the entries.. will update new ones as n wen dey r posted..

So seriously my dear readers.. don u think dat dry jokes r worth their weight in gold??