Dry jokes.. Essence of life

v call em sad joke, dry joke, poor jokes.. other degrading terms.. v look down on dem coz v compare em wid jokes in tv series n movies. Agreed dey r of much lower quality.. but tv jokes scripts r writen n edited a thousand times.. the situations r prepared fr d jokes.. d jokes r delivered by pros which adds to d effects.. else imagine himesh playing the role of chandler in friends and cracking all dose joke in his super cool monotonous tone..n i m sure v wont crack such high level jokes on a daily basis.. even d funniest ppl in our lives will crack high level jokes only once in a while.. thus many of us lead such cheerless lives..so y dont v settle fr the ubiquitous n natural dry jokes? beggars cant b choosers n smth is bbetr than nothin.. Not dat d dry jokes r acceptable merely coz dey r d only option.. dey are legendary in their own right.

i personally feel dat my life has been such a success (self conclusion here) becoz i hv made dese dry jokes a part of my life.. dey hv kept me n my frenz cheerful evryday thru thick n thin.. n now dat my fellow dry jokers r spread around d world (india and USA basically.. but its cooler 2 say around d world and btw india n USA 2gather means around d world!!), i really miss dose jokes.. so in order 2 keep dis legacy which v nurtured wid so much love n care (wtf??) intact, kapil khandeparkar has unvieled d khandeparkar trophy.. d rules r simple. driest joke is d winner.. no holds barred..only rule is dat d joke shud b cracked in some real life situation on d spot.. no internet n sms jokes allowed.. d reign of dryness has been unleashed. i'll post some of d entries here.. boy dey r dry.. n dey did make me laugh a lot.. so presenting d driest jokes..

warning: d following content is fr adults only.. parental supersvision id recommenaded for readers above 18 yrs!! .. n d jokes r cracked by pros.. dont try 2 imitate dem.. stay safe n dont try dis at home..

my entries.
kapils chick said dat some movie (4got name) was too slow.. i replied.. 'watch it in fast forward mode'!! -- in d train while coming back 2 blore.. some ppl were goin wid their luggage towards d front of d train.. one junior wid whom i ws traveling said.. 'i wonder where dey r goin'.. i said 'to the front of d train obviously'.. she asked again.. 'for wat?' i said ' if u go to the front of d train u will reach bangalore earlier as the front of d train reaches before the back of the train!!' (dis has got 2 b a good contender!!! plzzzz)-- another one.. in the train only.. once the train stopped in the middle of nowhere.. junior "y has the train stopped now?" i replied "the train driver has forgotten the way to bangalore and has gone 2 ask for directions!!"

khare's entry
we went for lunch today sometime back n sat in restaurant...gal wid us asked da waiter guy
ipshi: Egg roll milega kya??
waiter: abhi koi role nahi hai..!!
dan i asked ipshi
me: ipshi kya tumhe acting nahi aati??
ipshi: kyun poocha..
me: acting nahi aati tabhi to usne tumhe Role nahi diya :P

ravish
situation: 12:30 pmteammate jus broke up wid gf.. On lunch table he was tellin abt hislife..
teammate: i m feelin very lonely dese days.
urs truly(out of nowhere): congrats u r no longer a human being
teammate:wtf?
urs truly: coz u r afruit now.
teammate:wtf?
urs truly: u r a banana now
teammate:wtf r u talkin abt?
urs truly: u said u r lonely.. Dat means u r akela..dat means u r a kela..dat means u r a banana
note: kapil says he heard dis joke b4.. so may b disqualified..

ashutosh
9XM was showing the sawariya song 'jabse tere naina'..the one in which ranbir kapoor lets the chadar fall and reveal his ass...so one of my roommate remarked..

roomie: They should have better let Salman khan reveal his ass..
urs truly: nah...he can't do that....

roomie: y not...?
urs truly: coz if he does that he ll no longer remain Salman khan

roomie: n howz tat Einstein?
urs truly: coz he ll bcom SALMAN BUTT.......

(the above joke may have been copied from the net.. investigations r on..)

manish (although nt a situational joke.. but gr8 nonetheless)
Karnataka State Board of education has decided to rename the chapter on Jallianwala Bagh tragedy to Jallianwala Tech Park tragedy. Why?

Because Bagh-mane-Tech Park
(note to non bangalore ppl.. there is tech park called BAGHMANE TECH PARK in bangalore)


These are the entries.. will update new ones as n wen dey r posted..

So seriously my dear readers.. don u think dat dry jokes r worth their weight in gold??

Traffic de Namma Bengaluru!!

Yesterday i ws travelling by bike frm somewhere near LAL Bagh to yeshvantpur via majestic at bout 7pm... N boy did i really get a taste of namma bengaluru traffic fr d 1st time.. N d rain gods decided dat i must hv a baptism of fire or water rather!!! The positive part ws that i got 2 use my raincoat ordered frm reddif.com fr d 1st time!! But it turns out it wud nt b a +ve thing after all..

The traffic got really bad after corporation circle.. n so did d rain. the reddif.com raincoat sucked.. i plan 2 sue them fr a billion dollars (Zimbabwean dollars) .. Water ws trickiling down my back in no time.. making me uncomfortable in weird places!! thanks 2 jockey fr doing its best.. N fr some reason d signals were nt working.. so every1 tot he had d rite off way.. making things worse were my specs.. i cudnt c nething.. but i don need my specs coz wen i asked some1 d way 2 malleshwaram he said " go straight n then straight.. n more straight" so who needs 2 c where u r goin wen u jus hv 2 go straight.. good thing i m straight.. so i had no probs goin straight!!

Once jus b4 majestic a bus driver cudnt engage 1st gear properly.. n went a lil backwards right into a car.. bumper 2 bumper traffic here.. n d best part ws an auto driver gets out n starts firing d bus guy.. i m like. dude look at ur vehicle n then talk!!! A little futher i had some entertainment.. i stopped next 2 a mass bus.. n watched some ma ma mass movie fr a while.. boy dose movies r funny in ne circumstance!!! Then dere were dese guys on a bike discussing y d karnataka govt wants 2 felicitate bindra.. one guy felt dat dey shud use d money 2 built flyovers atleast in his name.. yeah maybe kids wud b tk 2 sports rite away if dey knew dey will hv flyovers in their name if dey do well!!!

The traffic eased slightly nr majestic.. but b4 long v were stuck again.. dis time at an underpass jus after majestic.. n unfortunately i had 2 stop at a spot which ws atleast a foot deep underwater.. thank u hero honda fr giving gud ground clearence.. one cool guy in an innova decided 2 liven up d situation by playing some loud music.. n then honking.. n then rocking his car eddie guerrero style.. don how he did dat.. but it ws gud.. d guy next to me in d water started tappin his feet n splashed water all around!! By then i had covered bout 8 km in more than an hr!!

Finally d traffic eased n i reached home in another 15min.. boy i ws soaked to d marrow of my bones!!! thank u blore fr d gr8 experiance!!!

My journey in getting 1560 in GRE!! :D

Well it feels so gud 2 write dis posts with the title mentioning i got 1560!! yoyo .. bhari!!! :P A note to all my fans who read my blog.. This blog is mainly fr ppl who r interested in answering GRE.. But all r welcome 2 read..

My preps started in march.. I started so long back fr 2 reasons.. First my initial date ws July2.. But i had 2 change it as i wanted 2 change d venue.. Second was that i used 2 b at office for d full day.. So max i used 2 get 2 hrs per day.. I started my preps by doin word power made easy.. it helps coz its nt as dry as barrons n coz it teaches u roots of words.. Then came the marathon excercise of word lists.. It really took me a long time.. N its sooooo boring.. Neways my strategy ws that i 1st did all d word lists as they are in d book.. n noted down all d words i found difficult.. So i made my own shorter word list.. I did that for a while.. Till i felt i ws fully confident wid 95% of d words.. Then in started wid barrons exercises ( dose 4 chapters jus b4 d WL).. After that i did all big book tests.. they help u learn 2 apply d words u mugged up wid so much love!!! Then last i did kaplan tests only.. n powerprep.. Bottom line.. barrons is a must.. coz stone cold said so!!!

For quant it really depends on ur math skills.. i ws fairly confident i ws gud.. so i didnt do much.. barrons is gud fr basics.. i did nova fr d counting n probability part as i felt i ws weak dere.. N dere is dis pdf on d ets site which is gud.. Also it depends a gr8 deal on ur application on d spot..

So that sums up my preps in brief.. Hope it helps all dose aspiring fr a gr8 GRE score..

GRE=words+stupid words+crap+wtf+dumb formulae= madness!!!

The other day i ws pouring some milk fr myself n suddenly true to murphy's law my phone rang.. N dat distraction caused d milk 2 spill.. I ws angry wid d caller n wid d mess.. then i tot.."It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitately departed lactile fluid." Dont be stumped!! All dose who answered GRE will b able to decode dat crap!! For my frenz who r still sane n hv nt given GRE, its d old saying dont cry over spilt milk.. N i tot 2 myself.. how much d word lists have taken over my life.. the other day i told my house owner ws scolding his dog.. i said to him.. "It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers." ( You can't try to teach an old dog newtricks) He looked at me as though i spoke greek!!

Well dis is wat happens wen u hv to mug up 3500 words to study fr GRE.. an exam dat is used as a criterion fr admission to Engineering colleges in USA.. I must say its absolute torture.. why d hell is one supposed 2 knw dat pterodactyl was a flying dinosaur or animadversion means critical remark?? N the reading comprehensions tk d cake!! u get absolute nonsense on topics ranging from slavery in america to feminism in europe to god knows wat else!! It absolutely drives u crazy..

Then there is d math part.. now dis shud b an important part fr an engg entrance exam.. But wait.. most questions will b solved by ne 1oth std student!! things like list prime numbers between 20 and 30, or questions on pythogras theorem!! its hillarious to think dat dis exams is supposed 2 test ur math skills!!

Neways dere r jus 14days left fr my GRE.. then i ll never hv to go thru dis torture again!!!

My future

Where do I see myself 20 yrs frm now.. Well I hope 2 c myself in many places besides the mirror in my bedroom.. (:P) Well I wanna graduate frm MIT n then become an astronaut wid NASA n see the earth frm a 100 miles above!!! But wat after dat?? Please don choke on ur coffee or fall of frm ur chair wen u read d next sentence.. I want to be a prof at BITS-Pilani… Goa Campus!!!

I always felt dat engineers who don get a decent job in d industry take to teaching..There r exceptions.. but dose r few n far apart.. And d result is, well, wat v hv in our colleges 2day.. So I feel I must b d change I want 2 c..

Wat kinda prof will Daniel be?? He will b the guy who absolutely detests formalities.. He will not be called Sir by d students.. Y not use ur first name?? He will have some entrance music played wen he enters d class.. (WWE style!!).. or rather a exit music in dis case as most students come 2 class 10 min late..3/4ths and sleeveless will b encouraged..( fr both boys n gals mind u..) All dose who sit on d 1st bench n try 2 lick d teachers will b punished by making them sit on d last bench wid d talkative students.. Videos of lectures will b put on LAN!!!

On a serious note, there many things I wanna change wid d current system.. Syllabus shud focus more on concepts then jus plain definitions n formulae.. all test shud b open book.. some tests shud also be answered in groups.. like how v hv some our assignments.. Also participation in national n international competitions will be encouraged.. Discussions on contemporary research n new inventions n discoveries will be held regularly.. Else v wonder y r v studying things discovered decades or centuries ago..

So here goes.. Get ready to welcome Prof Daniel at BPGC!!!! the future HOD of mech dept!!